musing over Guacamole

I’ve been taking photos of munchkin’s food for a few months now, and naturally, I put a little more care into styling the food because of it. It often meant that I’m rushing to get the food cooked, plated, and photographed before munchkin gets hangry or the sun goes down. Once I got a few clicks on my camera and served the food to my toddler, I’ll dump the rest of the food into a bowl – any bowl I can grab- and eat. Sometimes standing next to munchkin’s high chair.

It’s natural for mothers to put their own needs and wants aside, and spend all of their energy on their children. Especially, growing up in Asian culture, this mentality was ingrained in me. (Koreans call each other “so and so’s mom” instead of their names. Can you imagine calling your husband “so and so’s dad?” But seriously, its very common in Korea.) I thought I was doing the right thing. Or to be more accurate, I didn’t even question it.

A few days ago, a book I was reading prompted me to do some deep reflection. What are my actions saying loud and clear about myself? While I prepared photograph-worthy meals for my daughter, I ate as if getting my belly full was all I deserved. I probably even reasoned to myself that it was indeed all I needed.

So why it matters to me all of a sudden? I firmly believe in the power of our subconscious mind. How I subconsciously value myself affects many decisions I make throughout the day. Am I telling my subconscious mind that I do not deserve the extra care? Am I teaching myself that I am of less value (as a person) than my daughter?

While I was preparing munchkin’s snack, I put a little extra effort to make my food the way I like it. The truth is that I’m not taking away anything from munchkin for putting a bit more care to my meal. It’s not like I was about to collapse in fatigue after plating munchkin’s meal. I thought that it wasn’t worth the effort to tailor to my taste. It wasn’t worth making it beautiful for myself.

That is about to change.

So this humble and common guacamole wasn’t just a guacamole. It was a little bowl of self-love.

What’s in the guacamole?

For munchkin

1 avocado, a cherry tomato, a half of lime juice, and everything but the bagel seasoning.
I knew that munchkin likes avocado and doesn’t like tomato so I only put a little bit of tomato. Also, this was the first time introducing raw radish, so I served it on the side. Munchkin played with the radish but didn’t eat it.

For mama

1 avocado, 4 cherry tomato, 3 radishes, 1 jalapeno, a half of lime juice, and everything but the bagel seasoning. Plus some extra love for myself.

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